If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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