Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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