At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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