I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
