It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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