i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
