Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize