my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
