just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
