make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
