At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.