I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".