so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN