I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves