we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today