he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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