I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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