My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
this hospital has no fireball
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
