What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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