PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
