have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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