u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
