I understand Curling. That high.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
