I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
