You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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