its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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