I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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