I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
