I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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