pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
