I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
