He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm too high and old for this...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
