My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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