seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
