It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
