...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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