he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize