She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
