The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
