Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
