im six kinds of drunk right now
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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