Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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