Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
