I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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