I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
