My first STD was from a foam party
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Randomize
