don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
