You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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