Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im on a boat
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