how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
