i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
