Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
