Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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