I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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