it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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