Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
