Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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