I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
MIDGETS
????
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
