The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
