Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Text me some of your sweat
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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