Kiss
Puke
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
