I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
