Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
