i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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