Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
