Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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