you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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