The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
