Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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