At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
