Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
