Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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