I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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