Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
