So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
