Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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